Emma Lita Fuzzy Butt

If I had to choose one word to describe what this year has been like it would be "LOSS". Death seems to have surrounded us this year. First we lost Lucky the rooster, then Rusty the bunny. My 11-year-old daughter lost all but one of her new baby chicks and another of her chickens a few months later. A turkey we were trying to nurse along died, followed by more of her chickens (stray dogs). While we were in Ohio for my brother's wedding, my neighbor's mare Sassy - who we all became quite attached to - was lost as she tried to deliver a baby that was too big. The baby was lost as well. Next, our horse trainer's cat died, followed by a baby deer we watched get hit by a car right in front of our yard. It landed in our driveway and we had to have the Sheriff out to "euthanize" it. Next Morris, one of the neighbors cool barn cats, got into horse wormer and died. While we were at fair, one of our favorite chickens was slaughtered by a wandering dog. (It couldn't have killed the hated rooster that attacked everyone, but killed the sweet hen who always ran over when we went outside).

As if all this loss wasn't bad enough, yesterday we lost our beloved cat Emma. She was only 7 years old, far too young to be gone from this earth. We hadn't realized that she had stopped eating a few days before as we were busy at the State Fair with my eldest daughter competing at the Youth Invitational. We noticed far to late that she was jaundiced. She had stopped eating for whatever reason and her body started using its fat stores, which caused fatty liver syndrome. We tried to save her, and it looked good for the first 12 hours we treated her with subcutaneous fluids. She started eating on her own and her body seemed to accept the fluids easily enough. But then in the morning, she was almost gone to us. She was panting and her eyes were glazed over. Of course it was Saturday, but I managed to find a vet to help her pass on from the pain of her earthly body and now a hole remains where Emma had once been. I can't believe she is gone so quickly. We buried her late last night after my husband got home from work.

I've lost many pets before. Even our first "child" Chelsea, who went as quickly as Emma did - cancer claimed her life. But for some reason this loss just seems so great. This was supposed to be a good year. My husband finally got a job after over 3 years out of the workforce. But instead of relief of financial difficulties, they remained and were even worse than they had been before. We still have the same stinking obstacles. No new school clothes for the kids, no vacation, no birthday parties or spontaneous movie nights. In some ways it is much like loosing your dreams. And now Emma is gone.

This year was supposed to be a good year, better than the last three. But this year is just filled with loss. I don't know how much more loss I can bear honestly.