"Act like an adult!"

How on earth can we admonish our children to "grow up" and "act like an adult" when adults do not even do that? I have seen it over and over and over in all types of organizations and environments. Adults just cannot seam to get along, work together or "play nice".

Everyone has their own agenda. Everyone has their own way of doing things and nobody is willing to bend (or very few are). Its FRUSTRATING!!! Grow Up!!!

2009 - A Year in Review

Unfortunately the loss from 2008 continued into 2009. Donna Harvey passed away from Breast Cancer, my stepmother passed away from emphysema, a local business owner and friend passed away from a heart attack. I lost my job.

My eldest daughter was going down a destructive path with a boyfriend who was using her...

I hate 2009 and am glad to see it go.

I could not bring myself to even type his name in this blog. Bailey - his name was Bailey. I still am not over his loss. I still cry when I think about him. He was the best dog I have ever owned (don't tell Mandi). Each is special in their own way, Chelsea - our first baby, Jake - my big lummox, Mandi - devoted. And then came Bailey. Never have I had a dog so intuned with me. He NEVER left my side when I was at home. He was my constant shadow, always ready to do whatever I asked of him. He slept in with me each morning, waiting patiently until I was awake. He would go out in the yard with me and I could trust him to not run away. He waited patiently for me to play with him and stopped when I stopped, always lying at my feet. He was my baby boy and now he is gone, having died on November 15, 2008 from causes unknown. I will miss him deeply for a very long time...Sleep well Bailey - till we meet again in Heaven.

What a DAY!

Today was just another day in the life of me. But it wasn't the best day I've had, and thankfully not the worst.

It started with a call at 7:30 am by my daughter Bekah who wanted to be picked up from school. She found out she was going to have a test in one of her classes later that day she didn't know about and she wanted time to prepare...could we pick her up. I sent my hubby (wonderful man). He brought her home and she came in the door crying stating "thanks for answering your phone". My phone, which has been acting up, had turned itself off when my daughter needed it most. She had injured herself in her gym class and was in tears...many phone calls later we decided to go to "Urgent" Care. WHAT A LAUGH...2.5 hours later we found out she had not broken her hand, but sprained her thumb and did possible ligament damage. She was put into a partial cast and was given pain killers.

I then went to work where a friend of mine was "let go". I believe his termination was unjust and was just sickened by what happened.

Then, tonight was a prayer vigil for my friend Donna who has had her third recurrence of breast cancer, which has metastasized to her liver. I prayed for a miracle, prayed for God's will and prayed for the Joy of the Lord to fill their family. I would be lying if I did not say I was scared. Sometimes God's healing is ultimate by calling you home. But I know God's will is supreme and I will always Trust in the Lord.

My baby turned 14 today. How the heck does that happen???? She was just born a few years ago, wasn't she? Why, oh why do they insist on growing up? Jenna has been a Groundhog Baby. She is a pleasure to have around and is a mirror of myself - emotional, ADD and loving.

Why does life hit you between the eyes every so often? My baby is 14, my eldest is injured, my friend is in a life-threatening situation, my other friend lost her dog, my mom is depressed because her husband is now suffering from Alzheimer's dementia and depression, and our finances are nonexistent. Is 2009 going to be better??? It's not looking good, but my hope is always that the Lord will improve all things.

Though he slay me, Yet will I praise him!!!
Diana

Barack Hussein Obama. Never did I think I would hear the name of a President with the middle name Hussein, especially following the events of September 11. He is being hailed as the first "black" president; however, I would like to point out that he is 1/2 black, his mother was white. He is a blend of both cultures, why does this not get reported?

I feel Barack Obama is the first president elected by the press, for the press and of the press. The liberal media chose to make him a messiah. Heralded as the President of Hope and Change. They slaughtered Sarah Palin due to her "lack of experience" yet we elected a party planner with NO track record and NO experience!!! Seriously???

I have to say, his first moves as President concern me greatly!!! Closing Guantanamo Bay, slowing down the trials of known terrorists and opening up funding of abortion in other countries... WOW!

Millions are following him all glassy-eyed and dazed, and seriously Booed the departing PRESIDENT! No class at all. I don't care if you disagree with his policies but show the PRESIDENT respect - Never, never, never did I think I would see the American public Boo a president, no matter what they thought about him. Heck, Bill Clinton, who lied under oath and cheated on his wife in the oval office was shown more respect.

And don't even get me started on that so-called prayer stating something about "whites getting it right" - Not all whites are against blacks for Heaven's sake!!! Seriously??? What the hell kind of prayer is that = We just elected the first biracial President!!!

Stepping off of soap box now and hoping things will be better.

A note to 2008

Or more aptly - a note to the 21st Century - YOU SUCK!!!

And 2008 - you could be the worst year of the 21st century to date, for me at least. Loss, Loss, Loss. That just about sums up how I feel right now. Loss of loved ones, loss of pets, loss of money, loss of security, loss of stability, loss of relationships, loss of careers, loss of dreams... Shall I go on?

I cannot take this anymore...cannot stand it anymore.

Loss of loved ones...
Tony's Dad died, Aunt Pattie Died

Loss of Pets
Jake, Chelsea, Emma, Lexi, Bailey, Rusty, Bella. Yes most of these died in their due time, but Bailey wasn't supposed to die, he was only six months old. Lexi was only a year and Emma still should have had 5 years left.

Loss of Money
Tony lost his job for almost 4 years. Struggling paycheck to paycheck. Using Credit to get groceries or get by.

Loss of Security
No job is safe anymore and there are hardly any jobs out there.

Loss of Stability
Refer to Loss of Money - Loss of Security.

Loss of Relationships
Losing friends and social situations due to Loss of Money. Losing closeness in the marriage due to Loss of Money, Loss of Security and Loss of Stability. Oh yeah, people die too.

Loss of Careers
Cannot afford to go back to my career due to loss of jobs. Cannot start a new career due to Loss of Money.

Loss of Dreams
All of the above.

I sure hope 2009 is better than 2008 was!

2007 in Review...

The title leads the reader to believe that I actually remember everything that happened in 2007. Fooled ya! This was a year that was full of ups and downs. The girls had an awesome show year, and what a long year it was. We showed at each and every Oakland County 4H Horse show, at the Oakland County Fair, the Michigan State Fair (TWICE) and on their respective Equestrian Teams (Junior for Jenna and Senior for Bekah) with Bekah's team making it all the way to the state MIHA competition again this year and moving from 5th to 3rd.

Also we lost our Bubba Jake, by far the hardest part of the year. Jake had been with us for so long and was such a wonderful dog that it was horrible to have to make the decision to put him down. Part of me died with him, as he was my boy. He is still missed and I hope to one day own an Akita again. They are wonderful, wonderful dogs.

Goodbye Old Friend

Our faithful friend Jake is gone. Even as I type it I can't believe it is true. He was my dog. Bubba Jake, Bubba Love, Hubba Bubba Jake. Gone just like that. Not that his passing was simple or quick. We had to make the dreaded "decision", never an easy thing to do. We buried him in the back beneath the pine tree with Chelsea's ashes. I cannot even believe he is gone.

Doctor Appointment Update

What I didn't mention in the last post about the doctor appointment was how the doctor informed me that I needed a follow-up mammogram. The very same doctor who had been joking around with me five minutes earlier comes around the corner (from reading the radiologists report) and with a serious face tells me that I need more views. To me it sounded something like this.

Blah, blah, blah, mammogram report, blah, blah, blah, more views. Blah, blah, blah asymmetry, blah, normal, blah don't be worried, blah, blah, blah, lots of women have to go back for more views.
And this would have been just fine and I would not have had the panic attack in the car if she hadn't done what came next...

THE SHOULDER SQUEEZE! I'm standing there as she gives me the shoulder squeeze and the first thought that came running into my brain... "I'm gong to DIE!!!!!"

Well I am relieved to report that I am not going to die just yet. I just got the radiology report back and I am happy to report that "things" are just fine. No evidence of breast cancer.

All I can say is ...PHEW!

I have a friend who is struggling with breast cancer. In no way am I trying to make light of this disease. Shanda and I talk a lot about doctors, hospitals, reports, etc. She could totally relate to the "Shoulder Squeeze". You can find out more about her struggle with breast cancer at the link below. But more than anything else, Shanda needs your prayers. So next time you throw a prayer up, please pray for Shanda and her family. Check out her blog for the latest on her condition. She is one tough, strong, courageous Christian woman and I am proud to call her friend.

www.shandasexperience.blogspot.com

Ever have a doctor appointment NOT go the way you thought it should? I did today. It had been 5 years since my last "physical" (translation - get naked, "pressure", cold instruments, etc.), and about three weeks before this visit I went in for some left breast pain and knee pain. No major thing, the doc said. Lots of women get pain in one breast and the knee pain was probably nothing. He questioned my need for pain killers.

So I had the wonderful mammogram (who knew breasts could get so big when flattened to a thin pancake?) and MRI (fell asleep in the tube, best rest I've had in WEEKS!). So this morning I go in for the "physical" and follow-up on the knee and breast pain. Get this - not only do I have a urinary tract infection, but also a medial meniscus tear requiring surgery on my knee, and they saw some "asymmetry" on the mammogram so I get to go back for more views.

So - I have to pee every five minutes, my knee pain IS REAL and I have asymmetry in my breasts. I could have told them that! LOL - Now if they have to remove anything from the offending breast I am in trouble, its the smaller one!

What a day.

Emma Lita Fuzzy Butt

If I had to choose one word to describe what this year has been like it would be "LOSS". Death seems to have surrounded us this year. First we lost Lucky the rooster, then Rusty the bunny. My 11-year-old daughter lost all but one of her new baby chicks and another of her chickens a few months later. A turkey we were trying to nurse along died, followed by more of her chickens (stray dogs). While we were in Ohio for my brother's wedding, my neighbor's mare Sassy - who we all became quite attached to - was lost as she tried to deliver a baby that was too big. The baby was lost as well. Next, our horse trainer's cat died, followed by a baby deer we watched get hit by a car right in front of our yard. It landed in our driveway and we had to have the Sheriff out to "euthanize" it. Next Morris, one of the neighbors cool barn cats, got into horse wormer and died. While we were at fair, one of our favorite chickens was slaughtered by a wandering dog. (It couldn't have killed the hated rooster that attacked everyone, but killed the sweet hen who always ran over when we went outside).

As if all this loss wasn't bad enough, yesterday we lost our beloved cat Emma. She was only 7 years old, far too young to be gone from this earth. We hadn't realized that she had stopped eating a few days before as we were busy at the State Fair with my eldest daughter competing at the Youth Invitational. We noticed far to late that she was jaundiced. She had stopped eating for whatever reason and her body started using its fat stores, which caused fatty liver syndrome. We tried to save her, and it looked good for the first 12 hours we treated her with subcutaneous fluids. She started eating on her own and her body seemed to accept the fluids easily enough. But then in the morning, she was almost gone to us. She was panting and her eyes were glazed over. Of course it was Saturday, but I managed to find a vet to help her pass on from the pain of her earthly body and now a hole remains where Emma had once been. I can't believe she is gone so quickly. We buried her late last night after my husband got home from work.

I've lost many pets before. Even our first "child" Chelsea, who went as quickly as Emma did - cancer claimed her life. But for some reason this loss just seems so great. This was supposed to be a good year. My husband finally got a job after over 3 years out of the workforce. But instead of relief of financial difficulties, they remained and were even worse than they had been before. We still have the same stinking obstacles. No new school clothes for the kids, no vacation, no birthday parties or spontaneous movie nights. In some ways it is much like loosing your dreams. And now Emma is gone.

This year was supposed to be a good year, better than the last three. But this year is just filled with loss. I don't know how much more loss I can bear honestly.

Lucky the Rooster

As my handle implies, I live on a small farm in Michigan (really small). We have horses, rabbits, dogs, cats and chickens. We moved here 6 years ago and I knew I wanted to have horses and chickens - but NOT a rooster... after all I am so NOT a morning person! The thought of waking up to a crowing bird before the sun is fully up at the crack of noon, just did not appeal to me.

But more often than not, what we would like is not always what actually happens and so it was that Lucky the Rooster came to our small farm. He was found running through the woods behind a medical building in a very busy, commercial area of a high population area. For whatever reason, his previous owners decided to dump him off with his sibling, cages and all. The people who worked in the building let the roosters out of their cages and over the following few weeks, left bits of food out for them. Two weekends in a row we went as a family and chased Lucky through the woods in a feeble attemt at catching him. Both times we went home to our farm empty handed.

Finally, one night after work cleaning the medical offices, my husband came home with a box and asked me to meet him outside... he had caught the elusive rooster. We put our new charge into one of our empty horse stalls, leaving him until morning - with food and water of course.

The next morning, we went out together to check on our new, and first, farm animal. He was quite indignant at being put into a box, hauled 20 minutes in the back of a truck and stuck in a horse stall of all places! We quickly caught him and gave him a full inspection. We discovered that the middle "toe" on his right foot had no claw, only a hole where it should have been. His foot was quite swollen and looked like it hurt. After discussing his injury with several people, it was decided that we should soak his foot in epsom salts. (my neighbor must have had quite a few good laughs over the "city folks" who were going to treat a $2.00 rooster's injured foot!). But, soak we did, two to three times a day for several weeks. During this time, Lucky became quite tame with us. We began letting him out of the horse stall and he would follow us where ever we went. I've since found out that my neighbor "lovingly" referred to me during this period as the "chicken lady", and I am quite sure she thought I was a total nut job!

We eventually built Lucky a proper chicken coop and house, and favored him with about 12 hens. He was quite proud of his flock and really took care of every one of his ladies. He was the most beautiful rooster in the world to us. He was never once mean to anyone in the family. We could go into the chicken coop at any time and pick him up, pet him and show him to whoever came by.

Sadly, Lucky died this winter. and he is sorely missed. We realize with his passing that while Lucky was given his name because he was a lucky rooster... lucky that my husband rescued him from a coworker who was going to make soup out of Lucky... He was lucky that us "city folk" were crazy enough to soak his foot twice a day for several weeks... it was we who were the lucky ones to have been able to share our lives with a once in a lifetime kind of rooster. He was the sweetest, tamest rhode island red rooster you could find and we grieve his passing today.

Parental Homework

I can remember being in school... Elementary through High School. I HATED homework with a passion. It prevented me from having fun when I got home, prevented socialization, tv watching, book reading, playing, etc. It forced me to interact with frustrated parents, exhausted after a long days work, who didn't understand "New Math". I really thought that there couldn't be anything worse about school (aside from tests) than homework. I looked forward to the day when I would graduate from school and be free from homework FOREVER!!! Boy was I an IDIOT!

I now have children of my own and homework has come back to haunt my adult life! I realize that the homework assigned to me as a child was NEVER for me - it was a sick and cruel joke played on innocent and exausted parents - and now I am one.

I often sit with my girls to do homework after a long day at work. I get to suffer the humiliation of admitting that I have no idea what to do. Or, if by some miracle I do understand the homework and attempt to explain it to my girls, I get to hear such lovely comments as "That's not how my teacher did it", or "Don't you understand?" or even "That's not right!!!"

I suppose when I am old(er) and grey(er) I'll get to hear my grandkids say "No grandma - that's not how my teacher taught us!".

Just my thoughts on homework!

What if I was gone?...

Two movies I watched tonight had the loss of a mother in them. It got me wondering how my girls would feel if I were suddenly gone. Would they actually miss me? Of course, logically I know they would but there are days where I think they wished I wasn't around. Mostly "R", my oldest. She is at the age where I am an annoyance, totally uncool and don't understand anything about her life. (Ahh the joys of being a teenager!) I think "J" would take it pretty hard (she's not a teen yet LOL!).

I started thinking about all the things I would want them to know and haven't had the time to tell them. Life gets in the way so often and I often find myself waiting for the "right opportunity".

First and foremost, just how much I love them and want them to succeed in life. My hopes and dreams for their happiness. Do they know how much I love their dad and what a wonderful, strong, hard working and caring man he is - through my eyes? There are so many things that I keep setting aside for later. Perhaps I should start a Blog just for them so someday they will know if I am not there to tell them... Or maybe I should take the time to actually TELL them!

Just a thought

Mom gone crazy

I need to vent today. What does one do with a mopey, sulky child? Constantly trying to manipulate everyone around her with the sad, injured puppy dog face? How does a mom keep from throttling said child? Answer - SEDATIVES!!!

I thought the arguementative, know-it-all teenager sister of hers was going to drive me nuts at 11 going on 23. (She is now 13 and the "adult wannabe teenager" is that has taken over her body isn't quite as bad). But I have to say that I have absolutely no compassion or patience for the injured puppy dog. Somehow she has learned that this gets her attention and I am beside myself to figure out a way to get the happy-go-lucky, joking, fun-loving kid back. Aliens have invaded her body and now I am stuck with a hormonal pre-teen with a inferiority complex!!!! ARRGGGHHHHH! She pouts when she has to go to school in the morning. She pouts when she gets home and is forced to do homework before playing with friends. She sulks when she finds that dinner isn't to her liking and then sulks when it's her bedtime. She sulks all the way upstairs until she is blissfully asleep and I swear - I have seen her even sulk in her sleep! Someone please tell me this is a PHASE!!! I don't know how long I can take it!

I wanted to absolutely strangle her in church yesterday as she sulked throught the service because "my tailbone hurts and I can't stand up to sing because it hurts to stand" and yet, this same child was found outside the church running through the back parking lot and playing with her friends when it was time to go! Once in the car going home - the alien returned and she sulked all the way home!

This morning, she just limped around the house with a mysterious stomach ache that went away the minute the bus went roaring past our house because she wasn't ready to be on it. (Too busy sulking). I had to go lock myself in the bathroom!

Any advice or suggestions??? I am all ears! Until then... I think I'll go take an Ativan!

Crazy Daze

Why is it that most days do NOT end up as they appeared in my head when I woke up in the morning? For example - today, I pictured myself up at 7:00 (got up at 6:30), finishing up my bible study by 7:30 (obsessive knitting till 7:30), in shower at 7:30 and getting Jenna ready for school at 7:45 while blow drying hair by 7:50 (still in PJ's at 7:45 with Jenna stating she feels sick and doesn't think she can make it to school). Now bummed (people still do say "bummed' don't they?) because I can't go to bible study, and my reason for actually getting showered and ready for the day early now gone - I go back to obsessively knitting while Jenna goes back to bed. I continue this until about 11:00 when I get frustrated "turning a heel" that I have to walk away and decide to take pictures of my knitted purse... see other blog. It wouldn't be so bad if this was just a hiccup in my week, but sadly most days go this way. I have grand plans of what I am going to accomplish during the day and wake up feeling as if I could actually be super mom/super wife... only to run out of steam by noon. Then, like cramming for a final exam - I rush around trying to get my "tasks" complete before anyone gets home and notices just how dysfunctional I am!

Wow - three years have passed since that first log page. I no longer work at the craft store and my husband still hasn't found a "real job". Three years of scraping by financially sucks. We (hubby and I) started a business selling items on consigment for other people on eBay back in March. Now, if I never sell another item on eBay - I would be a very happy woman. It really isn't much different from working in a store except that I don't have to see the customers. We still get stupid questions, people trying to rip us off (much like traveler check guy) and people who wouldn't be happy with what you sent even if it came wrapped in a million dollars.

But there are also those customers who send a wonderful note of thanks, who share your same interests, who are just plain nice.

Lost has become my favorite TV show, along with Desperate Housewives, and Survivor.

My new obsession is knitting, felting and making purses out of old wool sweaters. I can post pictures later, from the other PC.

Well, my creativity seems to have died out today so I am going to sign off for tonight.

Life is good

Working Retail

My blog on the internet... wow - what a concept. Here goes

Due to a recent change in my husband's empolyment status (thanks to EDS - but that's another blog), I became a cashier at a retail craft store. I like to do crafts so I thought, however delusional at the time, that it would be fun to work in a craft store. Why not - we carry cool things like art supplies, candle-making supplies, scrapbooking supplies, beading supplies! HOW COOL!

My second day at work, a very helpful gentleman presented to my register with what he called a "travelers check". It didn't look quite like a travelers check but what did I know, I never go anywhere. Of course, we were extremely busy at the time he came into my line. The lead cashier was helping a not so helpful lady with a very large return and couldn't help me with this check. So the very nice gentleman told me what to do, signed it in front of me and purchased about 9.00 worth of art supplies with a 100.00 check. The next day our store manager - "Fred" - appeared, check in hand, wanting to know what the very nice gentleman looked like... It turns out he is probably wanted in about 5 states for check fraud. Welcome to the wonderful world of retail.

It has been almost 90 days since that time. I have survived the day after Thanksgiving, and am making my way through the Christmas rush. I have learned a thing or two and now have some advice for you shoppers out there. You know who you are...

ON COUPONS - Please READ the coupon. We (meaning us cashiers) do not type the rules on these coupons. We do not make up the coupon rules. We have to answer to the store manager "Fred" about our coupon-giving. The coupons are counted at the end of the day and compared to the lovely computer program which keeps count of how many are used. When we tell you that "Fred" has instructed that we follow the rules on the coupon and only allow "ONE COUPON, PER CUSTOMER PER DAY and that if caught allowing more than one per day we could be fired... we aren't lying!!! Also, if you make a big deal and tell me that you plan on leaving the store and coming right back in to use your second/third/fourth coupon for the day, I will be forced to notify "Fred" because technically it is still the same day. You haven't seen "FRED" when he is not in a pleasant mood!!! IT's not pretty. Poor "Fred" has to answer to the higher up "Fred's" who haven't set foot in a store in years. They have "people" do their shopping for them and don't realize how helpful it is to us poor regular people that we use more than one coupon. So please remember when I tell you that you can only use one coupon... please understand and take it out on "Fred", not me.